Look... I love The Giver.
A fantastic
dystopian story that came out years before the shitty
decent Hunger Games series was even a thought in the back of Suzanne
Collin's odd little mind. I love Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep. I
believe they're phenomenal actors and are amusing to watch. So why am
I having a hard time getting excited for the movie adaptation?
Well,
you don't judge a book by its cover, but having a visual
representation of what the final product could be like, judging a
movie by its trailer is by far easier to do. Everything I saw in the
Giver's trailer just downright infuriated me.
A
year ago I saw the trailer for Ender's Game and just seeing scenes
from the book brought to life by some swanky CGI and Asa Butterface's
goofy acting got me so pumped for the movie, I literally went on and
on about the damned book and how exciting it was to see an actual
adaptation!
Put the other hand down Buttfields, that's how you do a proper high five.
That was a trailer done right! Despite it ended up being
above average, I still enjoyed the hell outta Ender's Game. The
trailer caught my attention as a long time fan of the series and it
kept me interested enough to keep tabs on its production. But
I digress; if you haven't gotten a chance to read the book, well
shame on you. Go out there and find a copy and read it now damn it.
But to help you through the rest of this rant
post, I'll give you some background. The Giver follows the life of
Jonas as he lives in a perfect little community where everyone is the
same. Differences causes conflicts, so everyone is controlled to be
the same in every way. The way they dress, the way their houses are
built, and even downright to the way they see the world. See the book
takes great detail in letting you, the reader, know that shit's all
black and white. Colours invoke emotions and EMOTIONS ARE BAD. Fuck
everything Seasame Street has taught you, the world is black and
white and those are the only colours you will need. Speaking of
emotions, those were thrown away as well just like in Equilibrium.
This would work in the Giver universe, but these two men
are too handsome to live in such a world...
Well
Jonas gets selected to be a 'Reciever of Memory.' A fancy job that
allows him access to this mythical thing known as Knowledge. The
Giver, the previous Reciever of Memory, and professional Jeff Bridges
impersonator, grants Jonas this gift and also helps him feel things.
One thing leads to another and Jonas 'accidentally' escapes from the
utopian community with a baby that was supposed to be killed, because
FUCK TWINS.
The
world Lois Lowry sets up is a god damn spectacle. I remember being so
engrossed in this book, that I finished it within a day while the
rest of my class skimmed through the first chapter. The movie on the
other hand, based solely on the trailer, holds none of that magic.
It looks so god damn generic. Nothing about it screams The Giver.
Jeff Bridges is a cool addition, but seriously what the fuck is up
with all those COLOURS?
What is this shit?! AN ANIMATED FILM?
And
then you have this stupid piece of shit thing.
Too late kid! YOU'RE PART OF THIS TRAINWRECK OF A FILM!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I
understand that a book can't be 100% adapted, but what the hell was
the point of throwing god damn hover jets into a movie where
centuries of strife and conflict has kind of set the entire human
race back to the stone age (with bikes). I don't even remember him
being that close to being caught with the baby either. A small part
of me wants this movie to bomb so hard that a chance for a sequel
would be thrown right out the window. On the flipside of this, I
wouldn't mind if the movie turned out geniunely decent if I can get
over the fact that it has the title of one of my favourite books.
Right
now, it seems to me that all Hollywood is trying to do is ride this
Hunger Games/Dystopian Future/BOOK ADAPATION TO THE MAX train into
the ground long enough
before the next big thing pops out of the more creative people out
there. It's just a damned shame that this fantastic book got caught
in this hype and hysteria and as a big fan of the series, it's a
damned shame it looks to be a massive clusterfuck abomination with
the sole purpose of making a quick buck.
Can we at least get a B&W Jeff Bridges?
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